Death to the Romantics!-DC Ficlets
by TouchedBytheAngel
Summary: A collection of fics written with my fellow DC fangirl Katana-Belle. Includes almost every member of Young Justice, and especially on Wally and Robin. No slash.


Death to the Romantics!

**Warning: Do not read unless you are prepared to learn (if you have not already) Computer Lingo, Wally's eating habits and perhaps some offensive-to-the-romantics-material.**

_Disclaimer: yes, I have an obsession with a certain Romanian. Yes, I am a complete Nut. And yes, I KNOW THAT. So if you don't like this story, open up some other Slasher Fanfic page and enjoy reading. Because I, for one, choice to make my stories non-offensive to the general public and Dc Nation. Bon Legit._

"Dude! Come check THIS OUT!" Wally yelled to no one in particular.

"What?" Connor asked grumpily.

Wally put his hands to his head as if in terror. "This is AWFUL! TERRIBLE! WRONG WRONG WRONG!"

"WHAT is so wrong?" Megan asked in her gentle voice.

"Yeah…and dude: chill out!" Robin was lounging easily; as always in his ready-for-action pose, but utterly relaxed.

"Okay, then, fine! If you want to shut your eyes to the terrible things people are saying about you-"

"Me?" Robin grinned and smoothed his coal-black hair. "Why would they target poor me? All I've ever done is be awesome."

Artemis stifled a giggle as Wally shot the Boy Wonder a withering glance. "Okay, then, Kaldur, will YOU listen?"

"What I'm confused about is WHAT I'm supposed to be listening to." Kaldur answered confusedly.

"People are writing these...stories about us." Wally tried again.

"About US? Awesome!" Beastboy jumped to the computer.

"Beastboy? Reading? Krypton save us; the world's ending!" Conner muttered, but Robin heard it and laughed. With a sigh he did a front flip and a cartwheel to the computer.

"Show off." Wally muttered.

But Robin was focused now, and his eyes widened as he read the three page fanfic written by someone named, "Mrs. Wonder." He stood up exactly forty-five seconds later and was blushing furiously.

"That-was…AWFUL! She completely left out my cackle! They ALWAYS forget the cackle." He sighed.

Now everyone was clustered around the screen. Artemis suddenly jumped. "Open that file!" she said pointing to one called, "Artemis/Wally: a Ballad."

No one said anything for a minute as they scanned this new…ballad; a haunting, romantic song about how Artemis secretly loved Wally and refused to show it until he lay dying on…what the? Quake 3: Team Arena? This was too much. Even Conner was grinning by the end and Wally and Artemis were so red from both anger and embarrassment that the rest of the team was absolutely certain they were about to burst into flames within the minute. Trying to be nice in his own way, but unwisely, (you might say impulsively) Impulse pointed to the one at the top left of the screen, entitled: "Robin and Wally: More than Just Friends"

"Dude, I have a BAD feeling about this," said Beastboy as Robin doggedly clicked on the file. This was slightly longer than the others; seven pages in length but the team did not even make it through the first paragraph. Why? Because it said this:

_Robin; the Boy Wonder, and Kid Flash, the Junior Speedster. Of course they make a great team…but what about a great couple?_

At that point someone made a very distinct noise of retching and the rest of the team turned away. They never officially figured out who had done it but most of the suspicion was later laid upon Impulse. Wally and Robin, however, sat stunned.

"How could they do that to them?" Megan's voice was angry and hurt. "How could they do that to US?"

Robin didn't answer, and instead clicked on another file called: "The Martian's Atlantian." They decided to stay away from the one labeled, "Connor and Kaldur=3"

As they had suspected, the newest file was a romantic comedy about what the author thought would happen if Megan and Kuldur became a couple. Fortunately no one (well, except Megan) noticed Connor glowering.

"This is wrong. We should leave this place. It is hurtful and unhelpful for our bonding." Kaldur said in his quiet voice.

For once no one gave him any backchat as Robin unceremoniously left the browser and turned off the screen. Then they all stood about a bit awkwardly, thinking. Not surprisingly, Wally spoke first.

"We can't just sit here and…SIT HERE! We should do something about it! They can't just lie about us like that."

"Dude, it's not true. Hello…"fanFICTION?!" Beastboy rolled his eyes as if this was obvious.

"Who are you to talk? Nobody even wrote about YOU!" Robin was sitting angrily in his chair; his left leg up and his arms folded.

Suddenly the electronic door identified someone coming in: "Recognized: Zatanna Zatara." Zatanna entered; in a purple-shirt and blue jeans. She smiled brightly, and then saw their faces.

"Hey...guys. What's wrong?"

"I'll tell you what's wrong!" Wally exploded, "people are making a bunch of filthy cruddy lies about…about...us!"

"Wow; strong language, Wal." She turned to Robin, who was still looking mad.

"Robin, what's the matter?" she asked concernedly. "What lies? And who did it?"

Robin sighed. "It's a fanfiction site. I accidentally found it while searching for some info about an old convict who called himself Robin Ruse. The browser came up with "Robin" so I entered it, and it brought up this fanfiction page about all of us."

"Okay…so you have a fan club. Big deal." Zatanna shrugged.

"No, not like THAT!" Beastboy said quickly. "They're awful stories. _Romance stories._" He whispered.

"Oh…I see now." Zatanna nodded.

"And not just normal romance…" Connor began.

"Slash." Zatanna said quietly.

Robin nodded, but the rest looked confused.

"Slash?" Wally said quizzically. "What's that? Do you cut someone in half and then write a story about the remains… cause that's not what happened."

"NO!" Robin shook his head at Wally's apparent dimness. "It's…you know. Connor and Kaldur."

Wally's eyes widened. "You-mean…UGHHHHHHH!"

Zatanna nodded understandingly. "I'm sorry guys." Suddenly mischief sparkled in her eyes. "But I know a way to get them back for it!"

Wally, Robin, Kaldur and Connor all looked up eagerly. "How?" they asked simultaneously.

Zatanna grinned wickedly. "We write a few fanfics of our own."

Beastboy rubbed his hands together, Kaldur smiled, and Robin did one of those delicious cackles of his.

"How?" Connor asked skeptically. "Some of us aren't much good a writing."

Zatanna smiled. "Just pick one story that you dislike off of any site, and write something; ANYTHING about it and the author. I'LL make sure it gets around." With the last bit she flashed her signature grin.

After a moment of thoughtful silence, the team turned around and seized their laptop computers. (At joining the team each of the members had received a high-tech laptop; but they preferred the four-by-three foot plasma screen monitor for their team activities.)

Megan used her brain waves and transferred them into the computer hard drive where they appeared about a second later on the Word program. Robin was busy typing with lightning speed; easily matching Megan. Impulse and Wally used their super speed to speed up their fingers and type quickly. Beastboy did his level best; but it was obvious he was not destined for a writing career. Connor picked out the keys as best he could, and soon got the hang of it, especially after Megan helped him out by making his thought waves go more quickly through his central nervous system. Zatanna simply laughed and looked over people's shoulders, (especially Robin's) and when everyone had at different times called out "done!" she smiled and said,

"_Sum Scripto Legit ad Ceribro." _And instantly a fully typed, revised and printed sheet of paper appeared and floated lazily into her hand.

"That is SO not fair." Beastboy sighed.

Zatanna grinned. "Alright, if you will please step over to the computer with your laptops."

Everyone did so.

"Now if you would please set them down right here." She gestured to the empty table they used for projects, and for eating. (The last bit was mostly Wally and Impulse.)

Robin set his down, then Kaldur, Megan, Connor, Beastboy, Wally, and Impulse. One by one they set down their laptops and as they did so Zatanna murmured over each:

"_O transferat scriptum ad hoc."_

And the files appeared on the computer Motherboard screen; each file appearing then minimizing at the bottom.

"Now then," continued Zatanna briskly. "Robin, I'll need you for this bit: I need these files sent out to every known site with the word "fanfiction" in it."

"No problemo," Robin typed out a few abstract computer codes using Command Prompt that looked something like:

Prompt/command/enteradminEnterpasscode:robinandbatmanPasscodeaccepted…Mainstream/import/feed/commandpromptEnter…send/"all"/"sites"/"fanfiction"/accepted/user?/admin/Robin/accepted….

With an electronic whirring sound the computer kicked into life and the loading point bar started showing all the sites the feed would be sent. When it reached 100% Robin and Zatanna high-fived and the rest grinned.

"Our little stories are officially online."

"But…wait." Beastboy sounded confused. "How will they know it's us?"

Zatanna smiled. "Oh, I think they'll know."

And here is why:

**Here Follow the Fanfictions of all the Members of the Young Justice League:**

**Beastboy: (Introduction in response to GENERAL."**

Okay, so listen, I'm not very good with this stuff. But I want you guys to QUIT doing this now! It's humiliating and embarrassing to us Young Justice-ers. So if you would be SO KIND don't make ANY more stories about us when you DON'T KNOW THE FACTS!

p.s. but the ballad about Artemis and Wally WAS kinda funny.

p.p.s. and the one about Robin being a damsel in distress.

Beastboy OUT.

**Kaldur: (in response to KALDUR/CONNOR=3)**

Once, in the far away land of Stupidsville there was a writer named "Slasherno.1", and he enjoyed writing crude, useless stories about innocent people. One day one of his victims found out about it and decided that they were going to write something about THEM. Their name was Aqualad'sComin'ToGetYa". And they wrote a terrible story exposing the writer's secret slasher past and blackmailed the person into fear and silence. Thus ended the stories of this author, and he has never, EVER been heard of since.

Kaldur Koral, a.k.a. Aqualad and mentored by Aquaman.

**Wally: (in response to THE BALLAD OF ARTEMIS AND WALLY)**

*() _indicates speech between author and other team mates*_

Hear me now, all ye good dudes,

All ye who listen and are prudes,

I warn ye now…

(okay, forget about the "ye's"; they're getting on my nerves.)

Anyway, where was I?

Oh right! Oooh! Look at the sky!

Kaldur; it's so…blue!

(Yes, Wally, we see that. STAY ON TRACK!)

So, about this "ballad" you wrote,

I don't even know what that is,

But it's as stupid as my goat,

(Which I don't have, by the way,)

I SHOULD get a goat…

I'll name it Sandy!

Rob, do you think that's a good idea?

(No, Wally, you can't take care of yourself. How could you take care of a goat?)

Well, thanks for being supportive.

So, listen, my name is Wally,

But I'm called Kid Flash,

(You might have heard of me)

And all this crud is-is-

Trash!

(Hey, Megan! I rhymed!)

(Brilliant! Now finish your fanfic!)

(Anything for you, babe.)

(Shut up.)

That last bit was Connor.

He doesn't like me.

Wonder why? What'd I do to him?

But I think I'm getting a little off track here…

So the message I'm trying to send is pretty much:

SHUT YOUR OVEN AND LEAVE ME ALONE!

(There, Art, I think that's good, strong language)

(Sure, Wally. Telling someone to shut their oven. So eloquent.)

(And don't call me Art!)

Humph.

Well, alrighty then, if we're done here…

(Which we are)

I'm going to finish that BMKSRPPLHJYT.

(BMKSRPPLHJYT? Really, Wally?)

Yeah! It's my signature sandwich! Just like you have a cackle…

(Except that I'm way cooler…)

Right…keep telling yourself that.

(But what is it?)

Ladies and Gentledudes, let me introduce my signature…

THE BACON MUSTARD KETCHUP SAUERKRAUT RHUBARB POT-PIE LETTUCE HAM JUICE YAM

TOMATO sandwich!

(Oh Cord.)

Thanks, Imp.

(It looks AWESOME!)

THANK YOU Beastboy for being SUPPORTIVE!

*frustrated sighs*

The Wal-Man is Already Gone…

(hey, that's a cool signature!)

**Robin: (In response to Mrs. Wonder) *this message was equipped with a recording of Robin's laugh. Whenever it does *cackle* it means the recording is being played.***

You miserable people think you're so safe…what a laugh! *cackle* you know, the Joker once KIDNAPPED me because he wanted me so badly to be his apprentice? Uh-huh! You'd better believe it! And don't even get me started about Batman…what did he see in me? Well, he saw potential, and skill; and just raw awesomeness. And you know what you should see in me? _Danger._ *cackle* I am without a doubt the most dangerous; the most mysterious, and THE LEAST DISTRESSED damsel in this Dormitory. I mean...you should see CONNOR in his bad moments…but I digress. Anyway, the point is very simple: Don't write idiotic romantic/slasher fanfiction about me or my friends; because if you do, well, you won't. Ever. Again. *cackle, gas bomb triggers and makes victim hallucinate into seeing Robin laughing at them and coming closer, and closer…*

You know who's watching…

**Impulse: (in Response to Anonymous Fanfiction "Impulse/Wally"**

Impulse; the awesome, cool, hilarious, hot, amazing, devastatingly fast speedster walked into the Bat-Ca-er, Living Room, to see his best friend Wally, as usually, eating. Impulse, after grabbing a bag of nachos, walked over and vented his totally righteous indignation to his friend, who sat there chewing with his mouth open and listening intently. Or rather…not. But because he was feeling congenial, he pretty much said yes to anything; so it hardly mattered.

"Hey, Wally, do you feel like doing something?"

"Like what?"

"Oh…I dunno…maybe busting a bunch of slasher maggots."

"Cool! I'm in!"

After finishing their assorted junk-foods, Wally and Impulse grabbed their high-tech laptops and began eagerly typing; finding random fanfiction sites; all slash. They had one mission and one goal: find and ruin those who tried to ruin _them_. There was a secret database of all the slasher fanfiction ever written and Wally and Impulse soon breached it and got in. Together they designed a fanfiction site where all those who were angry and hurt over the terrible, awful, devastatingly crushing stories that were degrading towards the young Heroes could post stories. And the number of GOOD stories so "whelmed", as Robin says, the other awful ones that the others had written that they were actually outlawed and deleted by a government imposed law called the AYHPP. (Anonymous Young Heroes Protection Pact). Through much more busting and trial and error the young Heroes whom everyone admired and adored where supported and released from the shame they had carried for so long. Thus ended both the Stories of the Slashers and the Indignation of the Snackers.


End file.
